Fade to Black

I sometimes wonder why I do any of what I do…which, as it turns out, isn’t anything of much consequence. I call myself an artist, but I can hardly ever focus enough to create art. I call myself a blogger/author, but I hardly ever can concentrate enough to write 300 words on a single train of thought. I call myself a visionary/dreamer/”idea guy”, but for the great ideas I’ve had, it’s always been others who’ve manifested them. I’m not saying directly from my ideas, good ones come in there time to many people. So really, what the hell is it that I do that’s worth anyone’s time? I’m drawing a blank, and it’s frustrating the hell out of me!

[su_pullquote align=”right”]would more than five or six people ever realize that I no longer existed?[/su_pullquote]I mention in the ‘other things I do’ section of every blog I have that I also write for a magazine blog, but that doesn’t even come to fruition every month. The editor has asked me on at least one occasion of I’m still even interested in writing for the publication in any meaningful manner. I said I am, but that hasn’t helped me focus on content for it…or any of the blogs I still have.

My inability to apply my focus as I desire when, and on what I choose, has become such a hindrance that I as so irregularly do anything that matters that when I actually do, no one notices because sporadic fits of content don’t attract a following or even a steady interest by anyone. I’ve even be thinking that no one who actually notice if i just disappeared from the world, particularly the internet. I mean, my family would notice that I’m not calling them or cooking dinner, but would more than five or six people ever realize that I no longer existed? I genuinely doubt it. And if that’s the case, why should I write or create anything more

By the by, this post is just around 340 words and took two days and eleven revisions.